I'd Like to Make a Toast

With holiday family dinners and cocktail parties, comes the urge to share gratitude and sentiment with all. While it's wonderful to take a moment to appreciate the evening, there are a few guidelines for toasting to keep in mind:

• A toast should be polished, brief, and heartfelt
• Stand when speaking
• The host or hostess should be the one to give the first toast
• Be witty and whimsical. If public speaking is not a strong point, practice a few lines beforehand
• Avoid notes and notecards, this isn't a speech
• Don't forget your exit: I've heard too many toasts that end with an awkward "So, um, that's all I have to say..." it's anticlimactic and leaves guests hanging. The easiest and most classic exit is to simply raise your glass a tad higher (this will alert the party you are wrapping things up) and give a "Cheers!"
• Above all, be yourself

More Table Manners, from Emily

The great think about table manners, is that unlike other traditional etiquette which can sometimes feel very stuffy and outdated, the rules of dining still remain the same today.

As an additional visual aid, I came across an old video from the Emily Post Institute, narrated by Mrs. Post herself, on the subject of proper table etiquette.

The audio is a bit muffled, but the overall message still resounds.

Bon Appetit

Was last Thursday's Thanksgiving dinner an abrupt reminder that a formal table setting is still as mysterious to you as the contents of Aunt Ida's Jello salad? Here's a quick review to help us all navigate our way around the china and crystal. It will come in handy for all the holiday festivities lined up in the next few weeks.


The Informal Table Setting

Formal Table Setting

Some other tips for stellar table manners:

Your drinking glasses will always be to the right of your plate, and your bread plate to your left. Remember this by putting the tips of your index fingers to the top of your thumbs, while extending your index fingers straight. Look at the two letters this forms. Your left will show a “b” for bread, while your right a “d” for drink.

I have read conflicting suggestions of placing your napkin on your lap as soon as food or drink first appears (water, wine, bread and butter), or waiting until the hostess places her napkin on her lap. I believe the former is best, as this protects your lap from any potential spills. Commencing the meal, however, should wait until after the entire table is served and the hostess has taken the first bite.

If salad is served with the main course, it is acceptable to use the same fork for both plates.

Cut food into bite sizes as you progress through your course, not all at once in the beginning.

The proper way to eat asparagus is to cut the ends off with a fork and eat the stalk with your fingers (who knew?)

When you are finished with a course, always place the knife and fork parallel together across the center of the plate. If you are taking a "rest" but are not quite done, criss cross your knife and fork, with the knife blade pointing to the left.

The same placements are used for the spoon and fork during the dessert course.

Your napkin should be placed to the left of your plate when you are done eating. Not on your plate and not in your seat. Try to lay it down as neatly as possible, instead of releasing a crumpled pile of cloth or paper.

Don't get up from the table until your host or hostess rises

Above all, enjoy the meal, the company, and the evening!

Images found at Southergentblog.com and Gearpatrol.com

Excuse Me

Cold and flu season is upon us. With the added fear of H1N1 flu strain, proper etiquette for an illness and prevention looks more like germaphobia than common courtesy. Companies who, in prior years, may have indirectly communicated the expectation to work while under the weather, are now encouraging employees to work from home or take time off until they feel better. In fact, many health care companies have released reports showing the cost of presenteeism is far greater than absenteeism. In other words, it's cheaper to your employer if you stay home instead of suffering at work. (Keep in mind you are most contagious two to three days after the first cold symptoms appear. You can pass the flu along one day before symptoms develop and up to five days after becoming sick.)

In 1978, Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette suggests that "When you sneeze or cough, especially in close quarters on a crowded bus or in an elevator, do it in your handkerchief, with your face turned away from those closest to you. Always say "Excuse me, please" afterward.

These days, if you do find yourself needing to leave the house while feeling unwell, there are additional precautions to take to prevent germs from spreading.

• Step out of the room if you need to sneeze or cough


• If this isn't possible to do in time, cover your nose or mouth with the crook of your elbow. This will mask germs much better than your hand, and has a lower risk of passing them on.


• Although handkerchiefs may still have a place in decorating suit coat pockets and catching a tear or two, during a cold, opt for a disposable tissue for sneezes instead.


• Hand washing is the best prevention for spreading germs! Wash, wash, wash!


• Hand sanitizer is a good back up to use when a sink is not around. Additionally, use sanitizer wipes to clean off door knobs, counters, hard surfaces, handles, etc

Although traditional etiquette advises otherwise, while under the weather, don't shake anyone's hand. Explain that you are ill and don't want to pass it along. If you have any social commitments, it's best to cancel or reschedule. The hosts or guests should be understanding.

image from Real Simple

You Asked, and I Finally Got Around to Answering

Two etiquette questions that have been brought to my attention recently:

"How to approach noisy children in a movie theatre," and "What does one tip when picking up take-out at a restaurant?"

Addressing the first question, I'd like to broaden the terms to include not only theatres, but shopping and general public places. There are times and places for children to accompany their families on outings. Shopping, "field trips", eating out, and running errands can be both a treat for the child as well as a learning opportunity to model good manners in public for the youngster (not to mention, that some daily errands can't be planned and childcare is not always available on the spot).

I ran across a suggestion posted on the website of the Pacific Design Center in Los Angeles that I think hits the nail on the head: " We understand that it may be necessary to bring your children to the PDC; however we ask that the atmosphere be respected and that parents be aware of their responsibility."

A child may do well in restaurants but have trouble in stores. Similarly, movies are a place to bring the whole family. However, if your child does not yet have the attention span to sit through an entire film, spare your neighbors ears and be prepared to exit early.


The bottom line is to use good judgement and know your children's limitations.

If you are someone whose meal, movie, or outing is disturbed by a misbehaved junior citizen, the best thing to do is alert management. It isn't an outsider's place to approach the parent of the noisemaker. Mom and dad are well aware of the situation. Management can take the appropriate course of action and gently request the child leave the room, theatre or restaurant until they have calmed down.

Tipping:

In my own opinion, tipping has gotten a little out of hand in the past few years. An appropriate 15% has grown to 20, 25, 30 for top notch service, and the number continues to rise. The problem is the food industry assumes customers will be tipping 15 - 20%, and thus the wait and support staff are grossly underpaid in their hourly salary from the restaurant.

In Emily's time, the recommendation was to tip 10% at a first class restaurant if the bill was over $2.50, and a "tip" was a thank you for over the top service.

Oh how times have changed.

Until the restaurant industry provides better pay for their employees, as a customer, it is still proper to tip the expected 20%. This should be part of the cost factored into deciding to eat out.

As for tipping in situations where there is less service, common sense and judgement should come into play. If you are picking up a "to go" order, a 10% tip is a nice thank you for the preparation. If this is a restaurant you frequent, the gesture may be a wise idea to stay in their good graces for future orders.

Other tipping guidelines I use:

• At a bar for drinks, I tip a dollar per well or beer drinks, and 15% - 20% for specialty cocktails


• $1 per bag on airport shuttle, curbside check, and hotel concierge


• A dollar or two for valet
  
• The change returned to me on my coffee order at Starbucks (on a $2.25 drink, leave the .75 cents as a tip)


• 20% for spa and beauty services


• 15% in cabs

Always tip in cash (even at a restaurant). Although cash is hardly used anymore, I keep a jar at home with small bills in anticipation of an upcoming hotel stay or trip.

Quote of the Day: The Bank of Life

"Life, whether social or business, or civic or whatever else, is a bank in which you deposit certain funds of character, intellect, and heart; or other funds of egotism, hard-heartedness, and un-concern; or deposit - nothing. And the bank honors your deposit and no more. In other words, you can draw nothing out but what you have put in."

Emily Post's Etiquette 1924

More Tips for the Facebook Forum

What to do when:

Someone posts or tags a less than flattering photo of you

Email them through Facebook and mention you would prefer the unphotogenic picture be removed. It's also possible to untag yourself in the mean time.

An individual repeatedly sends over a Friend Request (this seems to happen more than expected. Oftentimes, it's a friend of a friend or someone simply looking to add people to his or her profile).

I don't believe it's necessary to send an explanation to the person as to why you aren't interested in making the connection. If a friend request is denied, there is no communication sent over to the sender that you have done so. If the request is sent more than once or twice, my suggestion is to block them. On the blocked end, this will look like your profile is no longer active. If you have mutual friends, your name and pictures from past posts will still be there in an unlinkable form, but any future communication will be invisible.

I have also gotten into the habit of emailing the mutual friends I have with the unknown person who has sent the request. More often than not, there is a domino affect of friend acceptance (my friend didn't know them either but had 5 mutual friends and so accepted the request, and so on).

You, yourself are deleted

If it's someone you didn't know well, try not to take it personally. It might just be that the individual who deleted you is trying to edit down their contacts to those he or she is close to.

If it is someone you knew well (aka someone in "real life"), my suggestion is to email them for confirmation of this decision. Give them the benefit of the doubt that it could be a glitch. If by chance this was done intentionally, at least you have tried to open the lines of communication to discuss any issues.

Someone in your network is posting more updates than you care to read

Simply click to the right of their most recent posting and opt to "hide" them. You will no longer receive any future postings.

A good guideline to follow is not to act on Facebook any differently than you would in person. The separation from interaction provided by our computers often lends itself to things we wouldn't necessarily do or say face to face. My belief and goal is to use social media to enhance communications, not replace it.