Guest of Honor

I remember reading an article a few years ago on how to be a proper weekend house guest. The article consisted mainly of tips for guests who are visiting beach or summer homes. Being in college at the time, the only frame of reference I had as a guest was crashing at friend's apartment or sorority house on road trips to various nearby colleges. It was a treat just to have a place of your own, let alone a "weekend home" as well.

This summer, I finally turned the corner. I've had the pleasure of a few experiences where my destination was to someone's vacation home. I found myself trying to think back to this article, looking for tips to be the best possible guest (of course these tips apply as a guest to anyone's home)

While I couldn't locate the original article, I turned to The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, 1952 for some guidance. Some of my favorite points (both ridiculous and applicable)

• Organize your luggage well ahead of time. You may need a new piece. Don't arrive in a car looking like a bunch of gypsies, carrying everything in tote bags and shopping bags. Borrow proper luggage if necessary.
• Arrange your own transportation to and from the destination home.
• Unless they are specifically invited, do not bring your children or pets.
• On the subject of children, don't criticize or try to discipline your host's children, even if they desperately need it.
• Don't rush out to the kitchen to help with anything and everything. Ask your hostess what helping hand you can extend, and when. If she's experienced in having house guests and has no hired help, she will tell you.

More general guidelines for today:

• Discuss the schedule for the time period you are staying. Your host/ess may have an agenda you are not aware of. There may also be times where you, as a guest, are expected to find activities to fill your time.
• Be neat and tidy. Whether you are lucky enough to have your own area, or share quarters, keep everything as clean as possible. Remake the bed in the morning, make sure the bathroom sink and counters aren't wet or messy, neatly hang the towels, rinse off or wash your own glasses and dishes, and keep your belongings together. If you don't have a closet or dresser to use, try to keep things near or in your suitcase.
• Keep your opinions to yourself. Is something dirty? Spot a spider in your room? Think morning coffee tastes better with half and half instead of the coffeemate your host keeps on hand? While these may just seem like simple conversation items to you, your host may interpret it as criticism.
• This is not the time to be fashionably late. Try to be on time for all scheduled group events. It's always extra effort to arrange logistics for more people. Don't be the person everyone is waiting for.
• Bring a hostess gift and leave a thank you note. Come with a token of gratitude for your stay. General ideas are flowers, candles, specialty food and wine, a delicacy native to your hometown (coffee from Seattle, specialty cheese from Wisconsin, sour dough cookbook from San Francisco...), or anything specific your host would appreciate. My mom always kept a cabinet full of cards and gifts for just this occasion. Whenever we were invited for dinner or as guests, she had a ready selection to choose from. This is something I'm currently working on building myself. Leave or send a thank you note after your visit.
• Don't overstay your welcome. Although everyone may be getting along famously, do not mistake this for an invitation to stay longer. Unless specifically requested by the host, keep to the original schedule of arrival and departure.
• Last, leave your area cleaner than you found it. Remove and gather all linens (towels, sheets, etc). Collect them into the pillow cases and place them by the washer and dryer. If possible, wash your own linens and/ or replace them with clean ones. Thoroughly clean the bathroom, sweep your area, and double check for any left items. Chances are your hosts are either expecting new guests, or will be leaving the weekend home themselves soon after.