Wedding Series: The ceremony is over, now let's party!

The reception holds more time and money than any other part of the the big day. It also holds the most opportunities for an etiquette faux pas. Receptions have quickly gained the unfortunate reputation of being cheesy. With a bad DJ, never ending money dance, and tough chicken parmesan, it's no wonder. However, when done right, the reception can be what it was always intended to be: An awesome party.

Tables and seating:
"Place cards are not put on any of the small tables. All guests, except the few placed at the two reserved tables (bridal party) sit with whom they please. Sometimes they do so by pre-arrangement, but usually they sit where they happen to find friends_ and room." Emily Post's Etiquette 1924

The same still applies today. Formal receptions with sit down dinners and pre-selected menu items do require table arrangements. If this is the case, let the rule be ALL or NOTHING. A little birdie told me of a wedding she recently attended where the majority of the reception was assigned seating, however she and her party were given choice of one of the two "open seating" tables. (That is almost worse than getting seated with dreaded singles or children!)


Of my friends who did opt for assigned seating, most say if they knew then what they know now, they would not have taken the time to do so. This task is labor intensive, waiting on RSVPs, being careful not to seat old flames or rivals near each other. From my observation, Emily hit it right on the nose: let people seat themselves.

Do me a favor:
We've all come away with them: a tulle bag of jordan almonds, engraved picture frames with the wedding date, metal bells tied with ribbon, wind chimes, and bottles of bubbles. Favors have somehow made their way into the wedding fare, and unfortunately the land fills. The truth is they tend to be a waste of money and the tokens of the day usually get tossed. In an effort to define new etiquette, I am willing to take a stand and say: Don't do it!

Guests are happy enough to be part of a couple's special day. Plus, with digital photography and social media, pictures of the wedding can be accessed almost immediately. I think having these photos and memories of the occasion are favor enough.

For those traditionalists who wish to hold on to the wedding favor, my strong suggestion is to think edible. Candy buffets, late night take away snacks, or an upgrade on liquor will most certainly be a welcome treat to your guests.


Decor to last a lifetime:
Flowers are expensive and it may be tempting to go the silk route, as these blooms are sure to "stay fresh" much longer. With the exception of allergies or using Aunt Edna's vintage arrangement for nostalgic purposes, fresh flowers are a must. There are floral options to suit every budget. Even carnations are making a comeback. In another report from the world of wedding no no's, I heard of a wedding that featured real flowers in the ceremony and silk flowers as table centerpieces. The kicker here is that they were for sale to any guest who was interested. Eek! I was left speechless. Poor choices are no excuse for asking your guests to help out with the bad decor.


A few final notes on receptions:

• Please remember to keep the toasts short and sweet (avoid the contagious "open mic night")
• Smashing cake on faces hasn't been funny since 1980
• Don't push people to do anything they are not comfortable with (dancing, drinking, or bouquet catching)
• Speaking of singling out the singles, I would love, love, love to see the garter belt toss classed up a little. I know some people think seeing the groom "roaming" under the bride's skirt for that lacy band using only his teeth is hilarious. I, however, cringe every single time. I think Emily would agree with me, save it for the honeymoon.

Present day photos from Amorologyweddings.blogspot.com

Wedding Series: Gifting the Bride and Groom

There are no two ways around it: Weddings are expensive. The bride, groom, and their families are putting forth some serious funds for the occasion, the bridal parties are paying a hefty sum for attire, shoes, preparations, etc, and the guests contribute with gifts and showers leading up to the blessed event.

I myself have wondered, through the years, what are the appropriate perimeters around gifting and weddings?

First, of course, we'll check in with what Emily had to say:

"As soon as the invite is received, attendees are to send presents. Wedding presents are all sent to the bride's parent's home and according to the law, are her property. If because of illness or absence, a present is not sent until after the wedding, a short note should accompany it, giving the reason for the delay."

Fast forward fifty years to the guide from Miss Manners On Weddings, she suggests this:

"There is no social form, invitation, or announcement that translates as "present due"... when you accompany someone as their guest or date, but do not know the couple, it is acceptable to be included into your date's gift." Additionally, Miss Manners recommends that guests veer away from cash gifts (how exactly does one determine what the couple/ their wedding worth to you?), and traveling far distances to attend a wedding is not a substitute for a gift (Something that yours truly struggles with, being so far away from friends and family. It's my goal to "be there" and sometimes a struggle to purchase gifts in addition). It is also acceptable to buy something that is not on the registry that you feel will suit the couple well. However, my suggestion is to keep in mind, the couple registered for a reason.

Another pressing question: When attending multiple occasions leading up to a wedding (showers, bachelorette parties, and the wedding itself), how many gifts are appropriate to give?

Through experience and "research" I've come to this conclusion. Showers, by their very definition are for "showering" the bride with gifts to set up her household. Though some things have changed with many couples marrying later in life, it is still customary to arrive at a shower with gift in hand, especially if the planners have arranged a gift theme.

If you are attending more than one shower for the bride, do not feel obligated to bring gifts to multiple occasions. If you feel uncomfortable arriving empty-handed, bring a small memento or personal gift at the additional showers for the bride. Remember, it's the thought that counts.

Last but not least, I have heard that it is acceptable to send a wedding gift to the married couple up to a year after their wedding date. Good etiquette from The Emily Post Institute disagrees. According to them, it is proper and recommended to send a gift before the wedding. There are also many sources who suggest not bringing a gift to the wedding itself, as this can become a hassle to transport and keep track of.

Although I can't speak for all brides (well, since I have never been one, I suppose I can't speak for any of them. However), I will say this: What is important to the couple on their wedding day, is sharing this special moment with the important people in their lives. In the age of consumerism and materialistic value, dare I say that what matters most in life are those that we love and the time we spend with them. Not some silly toaster.

photo from abc.net.au

Wedding Series: What's a Guest to Wear?!?

According to Good Manners: Simply Told, appropriate attire for attending a wedding in 1930 went something like this:

• 
  
  Morning - "A tailored suit or dress of soft material. The color should be the same as you would choose for street wear. Your hat should match or harmonize. Suede or kid shoes are correct" (I wonder what kid shoes are?)
• Afternoon - "An afternoon dress with satin slippers and a more elaborate hat and gloves of a light shade or white."
• Evening - "In a church, calls for the usual formal evening costume with light slippers, hosiery and gloves. If you are not going to the reception, a smart afternoon dress is correct."

"Black gloves or dark colors are practical, but not in good taste. Light gloves are ALWAYS BEST."

While styles have certainly changed, those guidelines are still applicable today. Here are some updated tips from Women's Fashion Guide writer Cynthia Nellis

• Informal Daytime: Short dress or suit (business attire OK for morning wedding
• Informal Evening: Cocktail dress
• Semi-Formal Daytime: Short dress or suit
• Semi-formal Evening: Cocktail dress
• Formal Daytime: Short dress or suit. Hats and gloves optional.
• Formal Evening or Black-Tie: Long or dressy short cocktail (beading, glam accessories, wrap)
• Ultra-formal or White Tie: Long gown, extra glitz (furs, diamonds, etc.)

The black and white issue: More recently, wearing black to a wedding has become acceptable. Traditionally speaking, this wasn't appropriate, as black is the color for funerals (Emily Post even says that women in mourning are allowed to wear colors on the day of attending a wedding).

While black has become more appropriate, especially for evening weddings, I would still recommend splashing some color into the mix. Wear a pair of bright shoes and matching purse, colorful jewelry, a patterned scarf or pashmina.

White, on the other hand is still very much a faux pas. Even with most brides steering away from a stark "true" white, the look is still reserved for the bride. White dresses with patterns on them may pass... however if there is still some doubt, find something else to wear.