Returning with a Question

I just about fell over when I realized that it's been almost an entire year since my last post.

Growing up, when I would lose my manners, my dad would just shake his head and ask if I was raised in the boerderij (Dutch for farm). Now that I actually live in an refurbished farmhouse, I would like to select this as my excuse for neglecting the blog for so long.

I've returned with a pressing question that I just can't seem to come to a conclusion:

With text taking over talk on our phones, is it acceptable to leave instructions on your voicemail to not leave a message but to text instead?

(Because let's face it, we've all thought this at one time)

Discuss.

Busy Signals

In the past few years, I've noticed a growing bad habit among my generation (myself included) of allowing our smart phones to be a crux for passing the time. We hardly know how to sit still and just BE anymore. What's worse, is this bad little habit is beginning to seep its way into our time spent with actual people. I've been to many a dinner, party, date, and friendly gathering where the company I'm keeping is interacting less with the actual live people in front of them, and more with those through their phones.

Imagine my excitement when I found this! It's more than a friendly gesture printed on a handkerchief (which in itself would have been very darling). This "phonekerchief" actually blocks the cell phone signal from your phone while it's wrapped up, allowing you to give your counter part your complete and undivided attention.

The manufacturer recommends this for a sweet Valentine's Day gift. I couldn't agree more! What is more romantic than having a genuinely good and uninterrupted conversation with the one you love?

Are You Pregnant?: Prenatal Faux Pas

My good friend and first time mother-to-be, Tiffany, recently posted this to her blog. Not having ever been pregnant myself, I have never been on the receiving end of most violations. So instead of trying to summarize or reword her etiquette guidance, I'm going to just plain copy and paste her insight.

Anyone who has been pregnant knows that all of a sudden, other women feel the need to bestow their advice and/or stories upon you. While I'm sure they are doing this out of love for me, I have reached a point where I feel like people might benefit from reading a bit of "pregnancy etiquette" if you will, for talking to a pregnant woman.

So here, in no particular order, is my unsolicited advice for you the next time you're around a pregnant woman.

Please ask before touching the belly. Don't get me wrong here, I love nothing more than to touch a pregnant stomach and to feel a baby moving in there. It's truly amazing. But please remember, to feel my baby, you have to lay your hands on my stomach, which just so happens to reside in my bubble. So before you run up and pop the bubble, just ask. Chances are, I'm going to say yes, but I feel like the polite thing to do is to make sure I'm ok with you molesting me! To be clear, I'm talking mostly about people I barely know here. I love for my friends to feel Aiden any time they want!

Please don't ask me how much weight I've gained. You would NEVER ask me that if I wasn't pregnant, so why would you ask me at a time when I weigh more than I ever have in my life? I'm certainly not going to tell you, so it's a waste of breath anyway.

Please don't make me feel like a bad mom because I'm planning on returning to work full time. It's very hard for me when people assume I'm taking a year off, and then when I tell them I'm not, they assume I'm going to go back part time. Then, when I tell them I'm going back full time, they usually respond with, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Don't be. It's a choice I'm making for myself. In a perfect world, would I rather work part time? Of course! But that's just not going to make ends meet for our little family, and I'm ok with that. You should be too.

Don't encourage me to eat more because I'm "eating for two." Maybe I am, but do you know how big my baby's stomach is? Take a look at your fingernail. That's about it.

Please don't share your labor and delivery story with me unless I ask. For some reason, the people with the worst stories seem to want to share them the most. Give me a break! I've never done this before. I'm already worried enough as it is! I don't need to hear about how it was too late for you to get the drugs, then you pushed for 100 hours, only to end up having a C-section!

Don't try to talk me into natural child birth. Please understand, I have the utmost respect for women who do this. You are incredible! And yes, I know every woman is capable of doing this. However, I also know enough about myself to know that I'm going to want something to ease the pain. And I feel GREAT about asking for it!

From my pregnant friends:

Please don't give me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of morning, afternoon, night, or all the time sickness. If I ask, share all of your remedies. But otherwise, I've already tried everything. Nothing is helping it. I am now using the toilet as a wishing well that it will end soon.

Please don't tell me you're REALLY hoping and praying I'm having a boy just because I already have girls (or vice versa). Just hope I'm having a healthy baby. That's what I'm hoping for! Also, please don't tell me I should hope for a boy/girl because they are so much better/easier/more fun than the other sex, AS IF I have some control over it!

Don't ask how far along I am, and then when I tell you, gasp and say, "Oh wow! I thought you were WAY further along than that!" Seriously? Did you just hear yourself? And please, do NOT make any implication that you wonder if I'm having twins!



I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post. I just felt like getting some of these things off my chest. I already have the daily stress of carrying this baby and doing my best to make sure he's as healthy as possible. Please don't add to the stress level. Thank you!

Facebook Manners: Part Two

The topic of social media manners has been addressed in the past, but with the ever changing medium, comes ever changing guidelines. Recently, I received a request to approach etiquette guidelines for Facebook; more specifically the non-friend friending you.

Let's discuss...

As someone looking to connect on Facebook, what are the appropriate parameters for "friending" someone?

Leave the six degrees of Kevin Bacon out of it. If you haven't actually met this person, friending is a little questionable. If you desire to get in touch with a friend of a friend, I suggest emailing them first; explain why you're touching base, and go from there. Old classmates are probably the biggest exception here. Half of the fun of Facebook is checking in on all the people you went to school with. Once again though, if it's someone you didn't actually "hang out" with during your school days, an introductory email is the best way to ensure a future Facebook friendship.

If you're on the other side of the Facebook friending spectrum and are receiving Friend Requests from people you would prefer not to connect with, what is the best way to approach their requests?

A good friend of mine has this posted under his bio: "I only add friends here...it's too much work otherwise"
Writing something to this affect that is visible under public view should suffice. If additional requests come through, it's truly a case by case decision of how to proceed. Options are to simply block said friend requester, deny their request, or email them back. Personally, I'd most likely opt for the first choice.

Another new item for discussion on Facebook is the topic of the Status Update. This little 420 character sharing portal can be really tempting to use as a venting medium, a place to share an inside joke, or to report your day's occurrences. Unfortunately, the rest of us (i.e. your Facebook "friends") don't always love to hear what time you woke up, what you are having for lunch, or why you are so excited it's finally Friday. As suggested by Women's Health, things to avoid in your newsfeed postings should  include the following:

• Anything depressing. Going through a rough time? So are most of us. Life is hard, we get it. It's also hard for your friends to offer encouragement online. Save the heart to hearts for people who can actually hold your hand and tell you (in person) that everything's going to be OK.
• Your daily agenda. This is what secretaries and personal assistants were created for.
• Child/ pet news. This is a tough one for me. I, of course, think that I have the cutest, funniest dog around. However, my friends in cyberspace will probably argue otherwise. Instead of discussing the fact that little Tommy now likes to eat fresh pears instead of canned, opt to use FB for posting big exciting milestones.
• People, things, projects, and work that annoy you. A hard lesson learned from a very dear friend, sometimes the slightest reference to work that can be perceived in a negative light can find you in some very serious situations. Play it safe and keep your irritations offline.
• Things overtly political, religious, or opinionated. I know that this may sound counter-intuitive. After all, it is your Facebook page. And I do think it's appropriate to share some things that you feel passionate about. However, the frequent re-posting of articles from every current controversial topic can be a little much.
  All I can offer to my point is this: Of any friends I have removed or blocked from my newsfeed, the reasons behind it were simply that their feeds and tweets were consistently over-opinionated and frankly annoying. I don't log into Facebook for a lecture. It's my break from work and the everyday. The sporadic soapbox plea is fine, but please don't let this become a daily occurrence.

Last, I thought I'd close with some new terms concocted by Ad Age to help explaing our new generation's social behaviors. By the time they have been posted, they will most likely already be out of date.
Behold, the 2010 Social Media and Mobile Glossary:

Hash bragger: A person who consistently (and annoyingly) uses hash tags to brag about exploits, exclusive conferences or envious travel. Often uses multiple hash tags.

Faux pocket pas: That all too common (and always embarrassing) situation where your iPhone, Blackberry or Droid phone misfires to someone you'd rather not call -- often in the middle of the night. Can put major stress on relationships. App-happy children are also known to trigger such misfires.

Geo crasher: A person so intent on following a GPS-powered map or app that they can barely walk straight. Inevitably they crash into everyone -- in airports, on sidewalks, in ballroom stalls.
 (I have seriously done this MULTIPLE times... oops)

Textgression: The curious migration of adults into youth behavior, habits and practices, especially when it comes to texting. Here our language quickly digresses into comedic short-form. R U w/me?

Top squatter: A person who reads, tries or buys anything at the top of the "best of" or "most shared" lists, whether it's iTunes, apps, Huffington Post, Ad Age or New York Times. This person never slips beneath the fray.

Tag stab: The injury inflicted when someone is inappropriately tagged in compromising, unflattering or just plain stupid social "moments." Mostly unavoidable, unless all cameras are "checked at the door."

Password penitence: The need to continually use the "Forgot my password" function on websites, services and applications-often digital overload. (Courtesy of friend John Stieger, consumer-relations leader at Procter & Gamble.) 

Like meister: That person on Facebook who "likes" everything. Borders on compulsive. Even the goofiest photos get likes.

Pal purgatory: When you put a friend request on hold, sometimes indefinitely, via Facebook or Twitter.

Fly The Friendly Skies. Part Two. Now Boarding.

Congratulations. You have gracefully made your way past the security circus and to the boarding gate. Whew! It's easy sailing from here, right? Now's the time to just kick back relax and let everyone else do the work.

Ahem.

Unless you're boarding a private jet and literally have hired staff to do all the work, you still need to keep you social wits about you while flying commercially like the rest of us common folk. Like so many other guidelines for manners, friendly flying is truly about common sense and consideration for others. If I may elaborate:

• Try to take care of everything before boarding. Visit the loo, buy a bottle of water, grab a snack (more about this in a few), prepare your carry-on luggage by organizing what you will need for the duration of the flight under the seat in front of you, and what can be left in the overhead compartment.


• Wrap up all phone calls, business or otherwise. Although you can "technically" be on the phone until the airplane doors have closed, the close quarter seating arrangements and loud noise of the jets are not conducive for lengthy conversations. Your seat mates will thank you for wrapping things up early as well.


• If you are flying an airline that arranges seating, be to sure request your placement before boarding with the ticketing staff. It is completely unacceptable to ask your neighbors to switch places because you need a little more leg room in the aisle. This also applies to those trying to play musical chairs so they may sit with their travel party (exceptions to this rule are, of course, requesting to sit with minors and those in need of additional assistance).


• I myself am a big fan of checking out from reality the moment I get on board by grabbing a little shut eye. However, I'm aware that those next to me might have a different agenda and may be in the mood to chit chat. If my eye shades don't clue them in on my scheduled nap time, I'll indulge their wishes and converse. It doesn't need to be a long conversation, just a polite gesture that I'm open to communication. After all, I will be sitting next to these two people for several hours in very close quarters. It's important to keep them on my good side. Also keep in mind, you just never know who will be sitting next to you. My seat neighbors have ranged from film producers, a restaurateur, B level actors, clergy, politicians, soldiers coming home from serving abroad, and professionals with networking potential just to name a few.


• Alternately, if you are the chit chatter, be aware of those around you who may have work to do or prefer to keep to themselves.


• Airline food is a far cry from what it used to be. Peanuts or pretzels hardly satisfy the slightest of munchies. Airports have worked to offer a variety of meal options for travelers, and airlines are happy to allow this food on board. A word of caution though, choosing an enchilada burrito with extra onions will not only offend your neighbors, it might affect the whole plane. If a full meal is what you're craving, budget time before boarding to partake. Otherwise, keep your airplane snacks to food with minimal aroma.


• Finally, use caution when reclining your seat. I know that when upright, the seats are incredibly uncomfortable. Unfortunately, if the person behind you is working on a laptop, balancing an infant, or trying to eat, a reclined chair makes their tasks that much harder. There is no right or wrong here, simply consider your neighbors (and hopefully they will do the same for you).

Hotels, Motels, and the Holiday Inn

I was recently asked to weigh in on hotel etiquette, more specifically, etiquette for room service. As this is a broad subject, I'd like to break it down to a couple topics:

• What is appropriate attire to wear when accepting room service?

Although hotels are meant to feel like a home away from home, it's important to remember some discretion when stepping out of your room or when others will be coming in. Try to be as covered up as possible. Lounge wear (sweats, pajamas) is acceptable. In a pinch, most hotels keep white robes in the closet near the door. Although I'm sure hotel employees have seen it all, it's best to prevent yourself from overexposure and potential embarrassment for the room attendant.

• Should I tip on top of the included 18% gratuity for delivered food?

Generally speaking, I don't tip on top of included gratuity in restaurants or for room service. Some wait staff go above and beyond when setting up a room service meal. In this case I suggest tipping a few dollars in cash rather than adding an amount onto the ticket.

• Should Housekeeping be tipped?

Tipping housekeeping is something that has become more prevalent as of late. Showing this appreciation is partly due to the fact that many hotels are cutting back on their cleaning staff and housekeeping employees are having to take on more rooms. A couple dollars a day will suffice. If you leave the room especially messy, I recommend tipping a little more. I also recommend doing a little pickup yourself before leaving the room for the day. Housekeeping doesn't generally interfere with your personal affects, however leaving them scattered all over can make it more difficult for them to properly clean the room.

• When is it OK to submit a complaint to management?

There are those who expect five star service at a two star price, and will gladly vocalize these expectations. Please do not allow yourself to fall into this category. Unfortunately, the situation may arise that the essentials of your stay are over-looked or service is sub-par (Items I would include with this are unclean linens, anything that is visibly dirty, a rusted iron, or broken utilities). When this occurs, go to the front desk and ask for management. Patiently explain the problem, taking the approach that you thought it important to inform the hotel of the situation in hopes to prevent this from occurring with future guests, rather than complaining. Do not cause a raucous. A good hotel will provide some recompense for the inconvenience, however do not express that this is expected. If you feel your concerns were not adequately addressed, end the conversation by thanking them for their time, but regrettably you will not be returning for a future stay.

Fly The Friendly Skies. Part One.

Summer time is a great time to travel. The kids are out of school, the weather's warm, and a little getaway is ever so tempting. There are, of course, some courtesies and etiquette guidelines I'd like to gently remind all you jet setters of out there.

Timing.

• Give yourself and your party plenty of time to check in and get to the gate. Rule of thumb is one hour for domestic and two hours for international. Please add a half hour to both estimates if you're traveling out of a notoriously large and busy airport like JFK or LAX.
• Waiting will be inevitable. All of the traveling public is going through the same process and standing in line as well. Grumbling about the inconvenience to neighbors or airline staff will not help speed up the process one bit. It also won't make you any friends.

Preparation is key.

• Research any new FAA regulations that may be in place prior to leaving home.
• Get yourself ready while waiting. Pull out your ID and boarding pass, have your liquids already gathered together in a clear bag, remove bulky clothing and jewelry, separate your laptop from its case.
• If you are traveling with little ones, give them a head's up beforehand of what to expect while traveling. The entire process is trying on adults, it can be even harder for youngsters. Prepping them on what to expect at each step of the trip might help. Even better, make a game out of it.
• Take the length of your flight and your personal needs into consideration and plan accordingly. Do you get warm easily? Wear layers. Cold? Bring a blanket or sweater. Bothered by light? Have an eye mask handy.

Travel with a polished appearance.

• As fashion writer, Derek Blasberg puts it, the airport is one of the last great places to meet single men who can afford to travel, so why show up to your flight looking like a hot mess?  I've mentioned the importance of taking pride in one's appearance before, and flying is no exception. Business contacts, romantic contacts, old friends, or gasp, a celeb! can all be found on the same 747 you're about to board. Ditch the Juicy suit and opt for a classic ensemble.
• My current go to travel outfit is a pair of jeggings (the comfortable hybrid of jeans and leggings), mid-height heels, a tank top, jacket, and plenty of accessories (jewelry is a light and easy way to dress up one's outfit). I keep in my bag a sweater, hair scarf or hat, sunglasses, and ballet flats.
• If you check a bag (which I unfortunately always do), you should also keep an entire change of clothes with you in your carry on. This is in anticipation of the unlikely but unfortunate event that your luggage decides to take a later flight.

Movin' On Up

After quietly celebrating a year of blog posts, I've decided to step things up with this blog. After all, if you're not moving forward....
Changes and improvements will slowly come about, including a simplified format and name. Millennial Manners has always been the URL here, so it seemed fitting to match the name.

Stay tuned and stay classy,

C

Going up

Living in an apartment, one thing I spend quite a lot of time in on a daily basis is my building's elevator. I must admit I'm a bit frustrated by the constant lack of courtesy.
For those of us who are frequent  riders, may I suggest a few simple guidelines:

• If you have called the elevator, upon its arrival please WAIT two seconds after the door has opened to allow any and all passengers to exit. Even if it is 3 AM, there is still a chance someone else is needing to get off the lift and there is nothing more frustrating than running into someone who simply couldn't wait for the doors to open. (as I recall from my days of working in a downtown office, this problem was even more prevalent during rush hour when there is a car full of expectant riders and a car full of those exiting.)
• Although we are the generation who is perpetually in a hurry, please remember some consideration for your home and work neighbor. If you see a person out of the corner of your eye rushing to catch the elevator, hold the car. This is especially true when said neighbor is carrying armloads of groceries.
• And finally, for some lovely icing on the cake, a small comment or conversation is an easy way to be neighborly. It can be as simple as "Have a nice day." This small token will be appreciated and likely remembered by your fellow passenger.

How to Eat Crab Properly

The other day, my love and I were out for drinks enjoying a rare sunny afternoon. Through conversation, it occured to us that the coming weekend would commemorate our three year anniversary. We decided to spring for something special as a celebration and made our way to the marina for a seafood extravaganza. We dined on shrimp cocktails, oysters, and a main course of crab.

Though we both thoroughly enjoyed our meals, I couldn't help but notice all the crab meat that had been lost due to my poor execution. If I knew the proper way to eat a whole crab, perhaps the mallet wouldn't have slipped out of my buttery hands and flown across the table. Plus, I really dislike the feeling of not knowing what the heck I'm doing.

With a little research, here is what I have learned:

• Pop all legs and claws off at the knuckle. Set aside.
• Flip crab so that the hard shell is facing down (put it on its back).
• With thumbs in place on both ends, separate shell from body.
• Remove guts and goo from center of the body.
• Using your knife (and not a mallet, as this crushes the meat and shell) gently separate the body from underlying "soft" shell. This should expose all the meat, finally allowing easy access to your dinner.
• When eating legs, it's best to open at the joints, using a knife to gently separate.

For a full tutorial I found this video. I love how serious our young narrator is with producing a You Tube "How To" video while his friends play in the background.



The other element I love about a shellfish dinner, are the accessories one is provided for proper eating. There are not many times past the age of 3 where it is appropriate to wear a bib while dining and wipe your hands on a towelette before leaving the table.

Job Searching Do's and Dont's

I was recently in the position of reviewing many resume submissions. I found myself surprised at the lack of plain common sense present in the applications I received. It inspired me to create a post for basic resume and interviewing etiquette.

There are fundamental standards every professional should know. This is the art of presenting oneself. As in many social settings, a first impression, whether in person or on paper can make or break your chances for further consideration.

In order to provide expert advice, I turned to an "industry specialist" to provide key points. Allow me to introduce guest blogger, HR professional (and my former boss), Dustin Knievel. He was kind enough to draft some candid and fundamental advice. Each of these tips is based on actual situations he has encountered.

• Never, ever, type your resume in all caps. I DON'T NEED YOU SCREAMING AT ME!
• If you are light on experience, don't think that typing your resume in a GIANT FONT is going to make that any less noticeable. Just because you filled up a page, doesn't mean you filled it up with quality information.
• Select an e-mail address that will give you a professional representation. In most careers, "stoner420" or "mistressleather" are not going to be perceived as being professional.
• It is 2010, do not use an objective on your resume. Especially, if your objective is "a challenging role as an Accountant" and you are applying for a Business Analyst job. The reviewer has no choice but to assume that you applied for the wrong job. Thank you for playing....moving on.
• Proofread! Proofread! Proofread! PROOFREAD! Did I mention you need to proofread? Your resume and cover letter/e-mail are your personal marketing tools. If you can't take the time to produce a quality product for those documents, are you giving me any reason to believe that you would produce a quality product on the job? Even after you have read it ten times, hand it off to a fresh set of eyes. I guarantee they will find something you overlooked.
• If you co-habitate with others and are job searching, make sure that they know you are looking for a job and know how to take messages. The following will not work in your favor "We are really bad at taking messages here. Can you call back and leave a message for her." My reply was "I suggest you get really good at taking messages because this is regarding a job interview and I am not calling back."
• I realize that it is a pain to tailor your cover e-mail to a specific job posting. However, it shows that you are interested and willing to go the extra step. One time a candidate mailed her resume and cover letter to me. The cover letter contained blanks in it. For example, I am applying for the position of _____. She was kind enough to fill in the blanks. In pencil nonetheless.
• Don't attach your list of demands in your cover letter. "I am willing to work for 40 hours a week at $X.XX; however, I am willing to take $X.XX if you offer full benefits but only if you relocate me from LA to Seattle...." The list went on and on of the demands and conditions. I never read the resume. The cover laid conveyed one thing to me: giant pain in the arse.
• Dress appropriately for the interview. Remember that wearing a really short skirt and pulling a Sharon Stone a la "Basic Instinct" during the interview may not score you points with everyone on the interview loop.
• NEVER, and I do mean NEVER address a cover letter/e-mail with Dear Sirs. It may not be Sirs in the decision making role. As a matter of fact, many women I know who have worked damn hard to get to where they are and overcome many gender biased obstacles find it very insulting when the assumption is made that it is a man is in the decision making role. Rightfully so, I say! You are better off to use "Dear Hiring Manager" or "Dear Hiring Committee" or "Dear HR Professional" if you don't know the name of the contact.
• Remember that from the moment you reach the front desk you are under observation. Everyone you come into contact with is sizing you up to see if you are good fit for the team and the organization. I was in one job for 11 years and we had the same receptionist the entire time. I always asked her for her opinion on the candidates. She was a class act and a professional. If you have the nerve to think you could treat my receptionist as "less than", I have news for you: you WILL NOT advance further in any interview process that I am running. It speaks volumes about how you treat people in general.

Silverware

If you haven't seen the new show, Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution, I highly recommend it! The show is based on famous chef, Jamie Oliver's time spent in Huntington, West Virginia where government reports have identified the city as the unhealthiest town in the United States. Truth be told, my guess is their numbers aren't too far off from the rest of the country's. Americans notoriously have a problem with food and convenience. We have lost the passion for a quality meal and taking the time out of our day to break bread with loved ones.

I mention Jamie Oliver's show specifically for a scene in last week's episode. Jamie served a meal to an elementary school that required a basic set of utensils: fork, knife, and spoon. However, this particular school did not allow kids to use knives and was not accustomed to providing forks. Similar to the chef's reaction, I was shocked!

Though he was able to talk the school into allowing the kids to use a fork and knife, it is quite clear that the children had absolutely no clue how to use either one. Ladies and Gentlemen, this reality is unacceptable. We are depriving the next generation of civility and basic table skills. Fried chicken and pizza pockets are not the answer.







Parents, nannies, babysitters, older siblings, neighbors, anyone who has a child in their life... Take the time to take on this small responsibility. These fundamental abilities will serve kids for life. (And butter knifes, when used correctly, are not a safety hazard) A good friend of mine teaches her sons "Monday Manners." Guess what she focused on a couple weeks ago?  Using a knife.               

Past & Present

It's always wonderful to come across another blog dedicated to the beauty of times past and hope for renewal and reuse in the future. Allow me to introduce the interior design blog Past & Present. It offers great insight to function and design throughout history, while providing inspiration for decor today.

Though there are only a handful of posts, I relish in the dream of an Edwardian English country home while learning about the history of forks.

Past & Present is a subsidiary of the famed Design*Sponge. Bravo for keeping the beauty and history of the past alive!

Gesundheit!

I found the most quaint thing at Trader Joes today. Though I wasn't in the market for Kleenex, at 99 cents, this little gem couldn't be passed up.

We could all learn a thing or two from this polite box of tissue.

Happy as a Clam

I received a new etiquette book in the mail today! Although it's not technically an old book (it was printed in 2006), I bought it used off Amazon. To my surprise, the book came from the Spokane Public Library! I guess my new addition was just meant to be! I can't wait to dive into it and share my new insights with you all.

Love Is In the Air

Dating is a terribly broad term these days. Unlike the expedited courtship of the past, "dating" can refer to anything from a first date to a long term relationship. To respect the uniqueness that exists within a couple (after all, who am I to judge whether or not sweats are appropriate for the weekly Friday night date night?) I want to focus mainly on the etiquette that should exist during the first few dates. This is the time where a first impression, polished appearance, and good manners are truly the most important.

General rules for both parties:

• Be punctual. It's disrespectful to keep anyone waiting, especially when you are first getting to know a them. Acknowledge the importance of the date by being ready on time.
• Put your phones away. Leave them off the table, heck, leave them at home!
• Have a cocktail or two, but don't get smashed. It may be tempting to calm your nerves with adult beverages, but getting drunk will only lead to a slimmer chance of a second date.
• Watch your mouth. Swearing like a sailor might work for you, but save your crasser forms of expression for a later stage of the relationship. It just isn’t a turn-on. At all.

Men:

• Spend more than five minutes prepping for the date. Shave, deodorize, iron, and suit up (metaphorically speaking)
• Be chivalrous. Open her doors, pull out her chair, pay for the meal. Acting like a gentleman is sexy.
• If it feels appropriate at the end of the night, make your move and go for the kiss. Being timid and unsure of yourself is a major turnoff.
• Don't wait three days to call. If you like the girl, call (don't text) her the next day. Games are for school teams.

Women:

• Don't over do your appearance. It's fine to look sexy, but be careful not to show too much.
• Eat a normal meal. You won't be fooling anyone by ordering a salad and later binging on an entire pizza after the date has ended. Guys like a girl with an appetite. Enjoy the restaurant's culinary fair and consider sharing dessert!
• Don't talk about your cat. It's tempting, I know. After all, Whiskers does the cutest thing when she's in a playful mood. However, I promise he isn't interested. Instead, focus on topics that are mutually interesting to both parties.
• After the date has ended, be a modern female, don't be afraid to call him the next day or suggest another date.

Getting Fit in the New Year

I came across this picture while "researching" for a new post. It was too good not to share.

The caption says "Cooling Draught After a Ten Mile Run." Can you imagine working out in these clothes? And who knew women were allowed to exercise for leisure in 1899?

I'd Like to Make a Toast

With holiday family dinners and cocktail parties, comes the urge to share gratitude and sentiment to all. While it's wonderful to take a moment to appreciate the evening, there are a few guidelines for toasts to keep in mind:

• A toast should be polished, brief, and heartfelt
• Stand when speaking
• The host or hostess should be the one to give the first toast
• Be witty and whimsical. If public speaking is not a strong point, practice a few lines beforehand
• Avoid notes and notecards, this isn't a speech
• Don't forget your exit: I've heard too many toasts that end with an awkward "So, um, that's all I have to say..." it's anticlimactic and leaves guests hanging. The easiest and most classic exit is to simply raise your glass a tad higher (this will alert the party you are wrapping things up) and give a "Cheers!"
• Above all, be yourself

More Table Manners, from Emily

The great thing about table manners, is that unlike other traditional etiquette which can sometimes feel very stuffy and outdated, the rules of dining still remain the same today.

As an additional visual aid, I came across an old video from the Emily Post Institute, narrated by Mrs. Post herself, on the subject of proper table etiquette.

The audio is a bit muffled, but the overall message still resounds.

Bon Appetit

Did the formality of last Thursday's Thanksgiving dinner make you want to jump out of your seat and run away? Not to fear, here is a quick review to help us all navigate our way around the china and crystal placed in front of us. It will come in handy for all the holiday festivities lined up in the next few weeks.


The Informal Table Setting


Formal Table Setting

Some other tips for stellar table manners:

• Your drinking glasses will always be to the right of your plate, and your bread plate to your left. Remember this by putting the tips of your index fingers to the top of your thumbs, while extending your index fingers straight. Look at the two letters this forms. Your left will show a “b” for bread, while your right a “d” for drink.
• I have read conflicting suggestions of placing your napkin on your lap as soon as food or drink first appears (water, wine, bread and butter), or waiting until the hostess places her napkin on her lap. I believe the former is best, as this protects your lap from any potential spills. Commencing the meal, however, should wait until after the entire table is served and the hostess has taken the first bite.
• If salad is served with the main course, it is acceptable to use the same fork for both plates.
• Cut food into bite sizes as you progress through your course, not all at once in the beginning.
• The proper way to eat asparagus is to cut the ends off with a fork and eat the stalk with your fingers.
• When you are finished with a course, always place the knife and fork parallel together across the center of the plate. If you are taking a "rest" but are not quite done, criss cross your knife and fork, with the knife blade pointing to the left.
• The same placements are used for the spoon and fork during the dessert course.
• Your napkin should be placed to the left of your plate when you are done eating. Not on your plate and not in your seat. Try to lay it down as neatly as possible, instead of releasing a crumpled pile of cloth or paper.
• Don't get up from the table until your host or hostess rises
  
  Most importantly, enjoy the meal, the company, and the evening!