Returning with a Question

I just about fell over when I realized that it's been almost an entire year since my last post.

Growing up, when I would lose my manners, my dad would just shake his head and ask if I was raised in the boerderij (Dutch for farm). Now that I actually live in an refurbished farmhouse, I would like to select this as my excuse for neglecting the blog for so long.

I've returned with a pressing question that I just can't seem to come to a conclusion:

With text taking over talk on our phones, is it acceptable to leave instructions on your voicemail to not leave a message but to text instead?

(Because let's face it, we've all thought this at one time)

Discuss.

Busy Signals

In the past few years, I've noticed a growing bad habit among my generation (myself included) of allowing our smart phones to be a crux for passing the time. We hardly know how to sit still and just BE anymore. What's worse, is this bad little habit is beginning to seep its way into our time spent with actual people. I've been to many a dinner, party, date, and friendly gathering where the company I'm keeping is interacting less with the actual live people in front of them, and more with those through their phones.

Imagine my excitement when I found this! It's more than a friendly gesture printed on a handkerchief (which in itself would have been very darling). This "phonekerchief" actually blocks the cell phone signal from your phone while it's wrapped up, allowing you to give your counter part your complete and undivided attention.

The manufacturer recommends this for a sweet Valentine's Day gift. I couldn't agree more! What is more romantic than having a genuinely good and uninterrupted conversation with the one you love?

Are You Pregnant?: Prenatal Faux Pas

My good friend and first time mother-to-be, Tiffany, recently posted this to her blog. Not having ever been pregnant myself, I have never been on the receiving end of most violations. So instead of trying to summarize or reword her etiquette guidance, I'm going to just plain copy and paste her insight.

Anyone who has been pregnant knows that all of a sudden, other women feel the need to bestow their advice and/or stories upon you. While I'm sure they are doing this out of love for me, I have reached a point where I feel like people might benefit from reading a bit of "pregnancy etiquette" if you will, for talking to a pregnant woman.

So here, in no particular order, is my unsolicited advice for you the next time you're around a pregnant woman.

Please ask before touching the belly. Don't get me wrong here, I love nothing more than to touch a pregnant stomach and to feel a baby moving in there. It's truly amazing. But please remember, to feel my baby, you have to lay your hands on my stomach, which just so happens to reside in my bubble. So before you run up and pop the bubble, just ask. Chances are, I'm going to say yes, but I feel like the polite thing to do is to make sure I'm ok with you molesting me! To be clear, I'm talking mostly about people I barely know here. I love for my friends to feel Aiden any time they want!

Please don't ask me how much weight I've gained. You would NEVER ask me that if I wasn't pregnant, so why would you ask me at a time when I weigh more than I ever have in my life? I'm certainly not going to tell you, so it's a waste of breath anyway.

Please don't make me feel like a bad mom because I'm planning on returning to work full time. It's very hard for me when people assume I'm taking a year off, and then when I tell them I'm not, they assume I'm going to go back part time. Then, when I tell them I'm going back full time, they usually respond with, "Oh, I'm sorry!" Don't be. It's a choice I'm making for myself. In a perfect world, would I rather work part time? Of course! But that's just not going to make ends meet for our little family, and I'm ok with that. You should be too.

Don't encourage me to eat more because I'm "eating for two." Maybe I am, but do you know how big my baby's stomach is? Take a look at your fingernail. That's about it.

Please don't share your labor and delivery story with me unless I ask. For some reason, the people with the worst stories seem to want to share them the most. Give me a break! I've never done this before. I'm already worried enough as it is! I don't need to hear about how it was too late for you to get the drugs, then you pushed for 100 hours, only to end up having a C-section!

Don't try to talk me into natural child birth. Please understand, I have the utmost respect for women who do this. You are incredible! And yes, I know every woman is capable of doing this. However, I also know enough about myself to know that I'm going to want something to ease the pain. And I feel GREAT about asking for it!

From my pregnant friends:

Please don't give me unsolicited advice on how to get rid of morning, afternoon, night, or all the time sickness. If I ask, share all of your remedies. But otherwise, I've already tried everything. Nothing is helping it. I am now using the toilet as a wishing well that it will end soon.

Please don't tell me you're REALLY hoping and praying I'm having a boy just because I already have girls (or vice versa). Just hope I'm having a healthy baby. That's what I'm hoping for! Also, please don't tell me I should hope for a boy/girl because they are so much better/easier/more fun than the other sex, AS IF I have some control over it!

Don't ask how far along I am, and then when I tell you, gasp and say, "Oh wow! I thought you were WAY further along than that!" Seriously? Did you just hear yourself? And please, do NOT make any implication that you wonder if I'm having twins!



I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post. I just felt like getting some of these things off my chest. I already have the daily stress of carrying this baby and doing my best to make sure he's as healthy as possible. Please don't add to the stress level. Thank you!

Facebook Manners: Part Two

The topic of social media manners has been addressed in the past, but with the ever changing medium, comes ever changing guidelines. Recently, I received a request to approach etiquette guidelines for Facebook; more specifically the non-friend friending you.

Let's discuss...

As someone looking to connect on Facebook, what are the appropriate parameters for "friending" someone?

Leave the six degrees of Kevin Bacon out of it. If you haven't actually met this person, friending is a little questionable. If you desire to get in touch with a friend of a friend, I suggest emailing them first; explain why you're touching base, and go from there. Old classmates are probably the biggest exception here. Half of the fun of Facebook is checking in on all the people you went to school with. Once again though, if it's someone you didn't actually "hang out" with during your school days, an introductory email is the best way to ensure a future Facebook friendship.

If you're on the other side of the Facebook friending spectrum and are receiving Friend Requests from people you would prefer not to connect with, what is the best way to approach their requests?

A good friend of mine has this posted under his bio: "I only add friends here...it's too much work otherwise"
Writing something to this affect that is visible under public view should suffice. If additional requests come through, it's truly a case by case decision of how to proceed. Options are to simply block said friend requester, deny their request, or email them back. Personally, I'd most likely opt for the first choice.

Another new item for discussion on Facebook is the topic of the Status Update. This little 420 character sharing portal can be really tempting to use as a venting medium, a place to share an inside joke, or to report your day's occurrences. Unfortunately, the rest of us (i.e. your Facebook "friends") don't always love to hear what time you woke up, what you are having for lunch, or why you are so excited it's finally Friday. As suggested by Women's Health, things to avoid in your newsfeed postings should  include the following:

• Anything depressing. Going through a rough time? So are most of us. Life is hard, we get it. It's also hard for your friends to offer encouragement online. Save the heart to hearts for people who can actually hold your hand and tell you (in person) that everything's going to be OK.
• Your daily agenda. This is what secretaries and personal assistants were created for.
• Child/ pet news. This is a tough one for me. I, of course, think that I have the cutest, funniest dog around. However, my friends in cyberspace will probably argue otherwise. Instead of discussing the fact that little Tommy now likes to eat fresh pears instead of canned, opt to use FB for posting big exciting milestones.
• People, things, projects, and work that annoy you. A hard lesson learned from a very dear friend, sometimes the slightest reference to work that can be perceived in a negative light can find you in some very serious situations. Play it safe and keep your irritations offline.
• Things overtly political, religious, or opinionated. I know that this may sound counter-intuitive. After all, it is your Facebook page. And I do think it's appropriate to share some things that you feel passionate about. However, the frequent re-posting of articles from every current controversial topic can be a little much.
  All I can offer to my point is this: Of any friends I have removed or blocked from my newsfeed, the reasons behind it were simply that their feeds and tweets were consistently over-opinionated and frankly annoying. I don't log into Facebook for a lecture. It's my break from work and the everyday. The sporadic soapbox plea is fine, but please don't let this become a daily occurrence.

Last, I thought I'd close with some new terms concocted by Ad Age to help explaing our new generation's social behaviors. By the time they have been posted, they will most likely already be out of date.
Behold, the 2010 Social Media and Mobile Glossary:

Hash bragger: A person who consistently (and annoyingly) uses hash tags to brag about exploits, exclusive conferences or envious travel. Often uses multiple hash tags.

Faux pocket pas: That all too common (and always embarrassing) situation where your iPhone, Blackberry or Droid phone misfires to someone you'd rather not call -- often in the middle of the night. Can put major stress on relationships. App-happy children are also known to trigger such misfires.

Geo crasher: A person so intent on following a GPS-powered map or app that they can barely walk straight. Inevitably they crash into everyone -- in airports, on sidewalks, in ballroom stalls.
 (I have seriously done this MULTIPLE times... oops)

Textgression: The curious migration of adults into youth behavior, habits and practices, especially when it comes to texting. Here our language quickly digresses into comedic short-form. R U w/me?

Top squatter: A person who reads, tries or buys anything at the top of the "best of" or "most shared" lists, whether it's iTunes, apps, Huffington Post, Ad Age or New York Times. This person never slips beneath the fray.

Tag stab: The injury inflicted when someone is inappropriately tagged in compromising, unflattering or just plain stupid social "moments." Mostly unavoidable, unless all cameras are "checked at the door."

Password penitence: The need to continually use the "Forgot my password" function on websites, services and applications-often digital overload. (Courtesy of friend John Stieger, consumer-relations leader at Procter & Gamble.) 

Like meister: That person on Facebook who "likes" everything. Borders on compulsive. Even the goofiest photos get likes.

Pal purgatory: When you put a friend request on hold, sometimes indefinitely, via Facebook or Twitter.

Fly The Friendly Skies. Part Two. Now Boarding.

Congratulations. You have gracefully made your way past the security circus and to the boarding gate. Whew! It's easy sailing from here, right? Now's the time to just kick back relax and let everyone else do the work.

Ahem.

Unless you're boarding a private jet and literally have hired staff to do all the work, you still need to keep you social wits about you while flying commercially like the rest of us common folk. Like so many other guidelines for manners, friendly flying is truly about common sense and consideration for others. If I may elaborate:

• Try to take care of everything before boarding. Visit the loo, buy a bottle of water, grab a snack (more about this in a few), prepare your carry-on luggage by organizing what you will need for the duration of the flight under the seat in front of you, and what can be left in the overhead compartment.


• Wrap up all phone calls, business or otherwise. Although you can "technically" be on the phone until the airplane doors have closed, the close quarter seating arrangements and loud noise of the jets are not conducive for lengthy conversations. Your seat mates will thank you for wrapping things up early as well.


• If you are flying an airline that arranges seating, be to sure request your placement before boarding with the ticketing staff. It is completely unacceptable to ask your neighbors to switch places because you need a little more leg room in the aisle. This also applies to those trying to play musical chairs so they may sit with their travel party (exceptions to this rule are, of course, requesting to sit with minors and those in need of additional assistance).


• I myself am a big fan of checking out from reality the moment I get on board by grabbing a little shut eye. However, I'm aware that those next to me might have a different agenda and may be in the mood to chit chat. If my eye shades don't clue them in on my scheduled nap time, I'll indulge their wishes and converse. It doesn't need to be a long conversation, just a polite gesture that I'm open to communication. After all, I will be sitting next to these two people for several hours in very close quarters. It's important to keep them on my good side. Also keep in mind, you just never know who will be sitting next to you. My seat neighbors have ranged from film producers, a restaurateur, B level actors, clergy, politicians, soldiers coming home from serving abroad, and professionals with networking potential just to name a few.


• Alternately, if you are the chit chatter, be aware of those around you who may have work to do or prefer to keep to themselves.


• Airline food is a far cry from what it used to be. Peanuts or pretzels hardly satisfy the slightest of munchies. Airports have worked to offer a variety of meal options for travelers, and airlines are happy to allow this food on board. A word of caution though, choosing an enchilada burrito with extra onions will not only offend your neighbors, it might affect the whole plane. If a full meal is what you're craving, budget time before boarding to partake. Otherwise, keep your airplane snacks to food with minimal aroma.


• Finally, use caution when reclining your seat. I know that when upright, the seats are incredibly uncomfortable. Unfortunately, if the person behind you is working on a laptop, balancing an infant, or trying to eat, a reclined chair makes their tasks that much harder. There is no right or wrong here, simply consider your neighbors (and hopefully they will do the same for you).