Wedding Series: Gifting the Bride and Groom

There are no two ways around it: Weddings are expensive. The bride, groom, and their families are putting forth some serious funds for the occasion, the bridal parties are paying a hefty sum for attire, shoes, preparations, etc, and the guests contribute with gifts and showers leading up to the blessed event.

I myself have wondered, through the years, what are the appropriate perimeters around gifting and weddings?

First, of course, we'll check in with what Emily had to say:

"As soon as the invite is received, attendees are to send presents. Wedding presents are all sent to the bride's parent's home and according to the law, are her property. If because of illness or absence, a present is not sent until after the wedding, a short note should accompany it, giving the reason for the delay."

Fast forward fifty years to the guide from Miss Manners On Weddings, she suggests this:

"There is no social form, invitation, or announcement that translates as "present due"... when you accompany someone as their guest or date, but do not know the couple, it is acceptable to be included into your date's gift." Additionally, Miss Manners recommends that guests veer away from cash gifts (how exactly does one determine what the couple/ their wedding worth to you?), and traveling far distances to attend a wedding is not a substitute for a gift (Something that yours truly struggles with, being so far away from friends and family. It's my goal to "be there" and sometimes a struggle to purchase gifts in addition). It is also acceptable to buy something that is not on the registry that you feel will suit the couple well. However, my suggestion is to keep in mind, the couple registered for a reason.

Another pressing question: When attending multiple occasions leading up to a wedding (showers, bachelorette parties, and the wedding itself), how many gifts are appropriate to give?

Through experience and "research" I've come to this conclusion. Showers, by their very definition are for "showering" the bride with gifts to set up her household. Though some things have changed with many couples marrying later in life, it is still customary to arrive at a shower with gift in hand, especially if the planners have arranged a gift theme.

If you are attending more than one shower for the bride, do not feel obligated to bring gifts to multiple occasions. If you feel uncomfortable arriving empty-handed, bring a small memento or personal gift at the additional showers for the bride. Remember, it's the thought that counts.

Last but not least, I have heard that it is acceptable to send a wedding gift to the married couple up to a year after their wedding date. Good etiquette from The Emily Post Institute disagrees. According to them, it is proper and recommended to send a gift before the wedding. There are also many sources who suggest not bringing a gift to the wedding itself, as this can become a hassle to transport and keep track of.

Although I can't speak for all brides (well, since I have never been one, I suppose I can't speak for any of them. However), I will say this: What is important to the couple on their wedding day, is sharing this special moment with the important people in their lives. In the age of consumerism and materialistic value, dare I say that what matters most in life are those that we love and the time we spend with them. Not some silly toaster.

photo from abc.net.au